dont worry.....

.... its only me thats breaking here

Its been a while

Its been a while since i last blogged on here.

i'm single again. i hate it. i hate being me - a failure. all i do now is work to keep my mind occupied. work and sleep. i've found thinking about things - myself - my life is pointless, as is trying to fix whats wrong in my life.

i hate living at home. i hate my family. tomorrow i'm going to down to london for the week. i'm looking foward to the break away from the people up here.

i've stared to cut again on my legs. i dont care who knows. its not a cry for help. its how i cope. the job is so stressful. i'm just managing to keep my head above the water and most circumstances i enter into are way above my skills and knowledge.

i want to cry. all the time. working keeps my mind off it. i figure i'm probably going to drive myself into a mental break down. i dont care. no one cares about me so why should i care about myself. its a rhetorical question. i dont care about myself or how i am.

all i aim for now is mental and physical numbness. i keep a photo of me and my ex on the speaker by my monitor. a reminder of what a true fuckup i am, what i've lost and why i should just stay single.

i hate everything.